How’s it going, Earmilk? My name’s Quan and I’m the newest addition to the Earmilk team. I was brought on to be mad intelligent and thoughtful and write long-ass essays about rap and shit. And it’s certainly been an eventful week between the disaster in Haiti, news of Wyclef Jean’s possibly shady charitable organization, the passing of Teddy Pendergrass, and now the passing of Killa Sha. But all of that sad news has got me in a sort of daze and I couldn’t think too coherently if I wanted to.

Thankfully, half of my day was really great the other day, so great that I fucked around and bought me a lottery ticket. I started thinking of all the great things I would do if I won the lottery and here’s a list of all the hip-hop-related things I would do:

1. Release Detox. If I couldn’t force Dr. Dre to release Detox himself, I’d just buy the best beats from his ghost-producers, buy verses from his best ghost-writers and rappers, and pay someone like DJ Quik to master and oversee the whole project. Not exactly the same but close enough.
2. Produce “The Egyptian Hip-Hop Concert.” Not with actual rappers of Egyptian descent (anyone know of any good ones?). But featuring the Hieroglyphics crew, Pharoahe Monch, Egyptian Lover, and Sun God (Ghostface’s son). I’d use the Luxor in Las Vegas as a venue.
3. Travel to New York. To ride in a cab driven by Cappadonna. He can show me around the slums of Shaolin.
4. Re-unite Da Band. So they can go get me some cheesecake and Cambodian breast milks.
5. Visit Huntsville, Alabama, home of the hands-down illest hip-hop scene in the country right now.
6. Make it rain in the club. Literally. I’d install a moon-roof ceiling into a strip club in Seattle and let the elements take over.
7. Travel to Atlanta and go to Room 112. I’ll tell them Blocko sent me. I’ll make sure not to double-park by a hydrant though.
8. Do drugs. All kinds of them. I’ll get hyphy, sip on some sizzurp, tip on them 44’s, whatever, whatever.
9. Block Party 2. Let’s do this Mr. Chappelle.
10. Buy medical coverage for Ma Dukes. And set up college funds for J Dilla’s kids. I kinda don’t care about lupus though, forreal, we all gonna die someday.

11. Get a Biz Markie doll/action figure. And a Ghostface Killah doll. (video above)
    
12. Produce a Wu-Tang version of Saw. It will involve sticking hangers on the stove for like a half hour to stick it up someone’s ass real slow like “Tsssssss,” laying someone’s nuts on the dresser and banging them shits with a spiked bat, and sewing someone’s asshole shut and feeding them and feeding them and feeding them. Among other things.
13. Hire a tall Israeli. Because they be running this rap shit.
14. Sue Percee P for the $10 he stole from me when he sold me a CD without any music on it.
15. Get an ice grill.
16. Fuck, let’s just get a diamond-encrusted, true-to-size turntable chain around my neck too.
17. Release Big Boi’s Sir Luscious Left Foot solo album.
18. Form a charter school in one of the ghettos of San Diego, where I come from. I heard about one in New York that was changing the world and shit. Sounded pretty legit and every ghetto needs to get one to save themselves.
19. Organize after-school programs in South Central L.A. You can learn to jerk AND do your homework.
http://www.vimeo.com/1546186
20. Purchase Paul Mawhinney’s vinyl mega-collection. (video above)
21. Fund albums by Pharoahe Monch and Devin The Dude for the rest of their lives.
22. Buy-out BET, revive Rap City with Big Tigger, get Chappelle Show on there, The Boondocks, Tavis Smiley, produce a Pootie Tang TV series, and pretty much hand over all programming duties to Chris Rock.
23. Rebuild the 5th Ward in New Orleans.
24. Hire a better accountant for Wyclef.
25. Donate money to Doctors Without Borders for Haiti Earthquake Relief. Because it’s bigger than hip-hop.